But this blog isn’t really about that.
It’s about the counter intuitive emotions we feel that get in the way of what we really want.
For example: the feeling we feel when we walk into a space and we don’t know everyone. Some people walk into that environment and they think, “Great! New people to meet!” These are the more entrepreneurial types. They’re more extroverted, inclusive, generally fun. These people are more precious than gold to social movements.
Then there are others [often times like me] that have this thought, “There’s so many people here. I don’t know everyone.” It’s not social anxiety disorder…it’s somet
hing else. These people enjoy smaller groups, deeper conversation. They are more precious than gold when it comes to
slowing social movements down…
So many groups, clubs, and teams all hover around the 30-people mark because [among other reasons] there’s this innate feeling that can be articulated by people in the group that sounds something like this:
I have to know and be known by everyone in the room.
And this thought is [one of] the kisses of death for any movement.
It's not that our desires for intimacy are bad. It's that we sometimes try to meet our intimacy needs through large group gatherings.
Movements don't move forward unless those of us who long for deep connection realize that it’s actually good that we don’t know everyone. It’s good that this room is crowded. It’s good that our community is shifting from a group to a crowd.
Leaders often times need to dispel the myth of Cheers: that it's good when everybody knows your name. Cheers was a great show about an incredibly dysfunctional small group of people. [but even they had to introduce new characters to keep the show interesting].
If you're part of a any community, the challenge is to shift it from a group of friends to a culture of friendship, not where everybody knows your name but where everybody knows somebody…
…and are looking for more ways to invite others in.
Posts
Very nice job, Jason. This is a topic which gets agitated in my mind on a daily basis. And the perspective you wrote from broadened my vision in regard to community and social interaction. I would say I waiver between being the movement and slowing things down... This allows me some room to not be as self critical when all I want to be, is the observer.
ReplyDeleteThis post is rolling around in my head and I am wondering what you mean by "social movement".
ReplyDeletePerhaps there could be a social movement where intimacy is the point. Or a community where "knowing everyone's name" is the thing that is counter-cultural.
I certainly agree with what you are suggesting, just wondering if there are other ways of growing a movement than to go from group to crowd.
Hey Jarrod!
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts.
I definitely think that we need more activism around healthy intimacy...
But I don't think that having a crew where everyone knows your name is very counter-cultural. Those are called "cliques" and they've been around forever.
Besides, we don't really have a need to be a part of a community where EVERYONE knows our name. We just have a need to be KNOWN.
That's part of the problem: when we confuse our need to be known with the assumption that we need to be known by everyone.
Hey Anonymous!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post-- wanted to ask you about your comment. I feel like I waiver between movement and slowing things down as well...but what did you mean when you wrote "when all I want to be is the observer?"
Simply observing, most of the time, slows EVERYTHING down...either small groups of people or large ones.
Thoughts?