Superheroes are Not Super Leaders

Batman. Superman. Spiderman. Wolverine. The Hulk. Iron Man.

I love 'em. But they're horrible leaders.

Sure, they've got talent.

But if we looked at them in terms of leadership they come up short. Here's 2 big reasons why:

1. Superheroes don't care about leadership succession.

Think about it: that's why they often times don't age in comic books or have to get rebooted like the Batman franchise. They're never recruiting another Batman or Spiderman to take their place. They just run around from one crisis to the next. I want to walk up to Superman, pull on his tights and say: "Do you ever think about what's going to happen when you're old??" Superheros are super-shortsighted.

Leaders in the real world have to deal with leadership succession. Who is going to carry the baton after they die or move on? Don't you wish that whenever the time was ripe we could just reboot the Abraham Lincoln franchise or the series of Martin Luther King, Jr.? Don't you wish Gandhi's only weakness was a rock from another planet?

All those people prepared for leadership succession. Yet Superheroes rarely do.

2. Superheroes don't recruit a team.

If they do have a team the team members usually die-- especially if they're women. This usually gives the filmmakers the opportunity to hire new women (like Maggie Gyllenhaal after Katie Holmes didn't work out in Batman Begins) or new famous co-stars (a la Richard Pryor in Superman IV). Superheroes have friends (to humanize them) and they help in the storyline occasionally but superheroes rarely have teams that they actually need to work with. I mean, even Jesus recruited his 12 to rock his plan of making the world human again. But Superman and the other Fill-In-The-Blank Men are mostly solo acts.

Yet real leaders need teams. Not just for storyline but because real leaders actually have real weaknesses that need real help in order to serve humanity. It's not romantic-- it's pragmatic. While it's true that one superhero can save the world it takes a team to serve the world.

If anything, Superheroes are more like consultants. They come in, assess the damage, fix stuff and then fly away. You don't want them around all the time-- just when crazy people blow stuff up. Then we dust the bat signal off, plug it in and let them do their thing.

That's why I love ensemble cast movies more then superhero flicks. That's why I love films like Goonies, Ocean's 11, Braveheart and The Usual Suspects or TV shows like The West Wing and Band of Brothers. They're teams. Even though they have leaders on these teams, the leaders need the teams to succeed and they have to think about leadership succession.

It's what Superheroes don't. It's what real leaders do.

Get Back Up. Make It Better.

The Atlantic recently did a cover story on "What Makes a Great Teacher." Specifically addressing the inner-city context, the article addressed over 20 years of research done by Teach for America, which is releasing it's research this year for the first time.

With Obama's education plan getting underway-- giving over $4 billion to essentially discovering how to create great teachers-- TFA's research is suddenly relevant to the whole country.

What they discovered was that elements traditionally thought to be associated with great teaching-- charisma, high energy, good grades and an ivy league background-- turned out to be non-issues. (for more on this phenomenon check out Fast Company's article on how interviews get in the way of making great hires).

As they looked for patterns, two traits (among others) began to emerge. Previous indicators of 1) Persistence and 2) Improvement.

As all the things that seduce in an interview-- people skills and pedigree-- evaporate what's left is a person's ability to try again when things don't work the first time and a history of taking things as they were and making them better.

This is why grades weren't necessarily a good indicator: just because you got 4.0 your whole career doesn't mean you have a good work ethic (you could just be brilliant). But if your grades went up over time that was a better indicator.

This applies to leaders as well. When we're looking to recruit or hire or thinking about things to develop in potential leaders these two things we might keep in mind:

Do they get back up when they get knocked down? Have they had previous success not just maintaining something but actually making it better?

For development we might ask: how can we help people develop the persistence to constantly figure out a way to make it work (whatever "it" may be) and how can we help people to constantly try and improve whatever environment they may find themselves in?

And of course for ourselves we might ask: do we get back up when we get knocked down? Do we grow and make things better?

The future of our schools rest in the hands of the persistent and creative.

And I add: so does everything else.

Rules vs. Values

I have a friend who works for the government and can't tell me exactly what he does.

It has something to do with artificial intelligence and video cameras.

I begged him one time to give me a hint and he said this:

"When you look at a guy walking down the street and he gets into a car, you know intuitively that the guy is -- suprise!-- now in the car. But a computer doesn't know that intuitively. You have to program rules to tell the computer that what it is tracking is now inside something else. Then you continue to do this for every conceivable situation."

After a while, as you can probably guess, there are a lot of rules. Thousands upon thousands of rules.

This is why for the first 50 years of artificial intelligence they haven't been able to make computers that can operate at the same speed and intuition as the human mind-- unless it's in the highly regimented and specified context of games like Chess.

Another approach to artificial intelligence has emerged over the past 20 years or so and it approaches things very differently. Rather than programing thousands of rules, they program simple machines with 3 or 4 rules. Then they give the machine a goal and then give it memory-- so that it can learn.

A few rules.
A goal.
Memory.

What they've discovered is that when these machines are put into mazes and other complex and even dynamic learning environments they are able to learn, adapt and progress to a goal much better than the rule oriented A.I. They can improvise and even surprise the people who invented the machines as they evolve in unpredictable ways.

Leadership in organizations exist in much the same way.

You can create a long list of things you want people to do. You can create lots of rules in a manual or training binder, etc. Or you can help people embrace a handful of values and then be surprised at their innovation. You can train people to death or you can throw them in the deep end and teach them how to swim.

One of the worst things you can do in an entrepreneurial culture is over train. Mostly because what you teach people by over training is "you can't do this yet." But if you give people a goal and help them embrace your values they will find greatness and ingenuity inside of them that they didn't even know they had.

On the flip side, if you're not getting the output you want from people or teams there are 3 possible reasons. 1. The team doesn't know what the goals are. 2. The team doesn't have the same values. 3. The team isn't learning as it makes mistakes and successes.

So how about your work environment? Do they (or you) over train or do they (or you) struggle with one of the 3 problems above?

And how about the cultures you lead-- friends or family or teams or clubs-- do you lead by creating rules or by instilling values?

From Volunteer to Vigilante

What is the first thing you think about when you think of the word "volunteer"?

Here are some responses from a recent facebook poll:

"Knocking on doors getting people to donate canned food."
"Doing something good."
"Helping others."
"Not paid - but that's OK." (Thanks, Mom!)
"To give away your time and energy with no tangible reward or recognition."
"It's always more hours than you anticipated, but sometimes there are unexpected results that make you glad you did."
"Giving up your time to give back to those in need."
"Civic duty, college applications."
"Service."

And several people thought of Tennessee basketball.

Some common themes to these definitions were this: It's something I do here or there. It's helping out. Collecting goods, moving boxes, handing out food, filing, passing out fliers, cleaning bathrooms. It's something I do for college applications.

What I discovered is that, without a serious face-lift, the word "volunteer" has little sex-appeal. And almost always "volunteer" and "leader" are not used in the same sentence. Volunteering is something you do for or with leaders but it is not generally thought of as leading in and of itself.

But why not? How did leadership and volunteering get put in separate categories?

This is why I think volunteering is a good place to start, but eventually we must shift from volunteers to vigilantes.

[vij-uh-lan-tee]: one who is alert, watchful, takes responsibility of.

Vigilantes are people who don't wait to be recruited. They don't serve a little here or there. They don't help a cause. They own a cause. Vigilantes are volunteers who lead. They say "this is something that needs to change and I'm not going to stop serving until it does."

We need volunteers. But we're desperate for vigilantes.

Build Well.

In 1932 a carpenter in the small town of Billlund, Denmark created a toy company of small blocks that children could play with.

The company name was LEGO.

Just about everyone loves LEGOs. My nephews are currently 4 and 2 and they love these little bricks of creative goodness. Over Christmas my parents and my wife Sarah and I got Xander-- the 4-year-old-- the same LEGO set. We got him the same stinkin' toy. Same box. Everything.

He didn't care.

He just wanted to build.

Whether it's sandcastles, playdough, boxes in the closet, constructs (remember those?) or LEGOS, children have this almost compulsive need to build.

For a while I looked at my nephews with a jealous nostalgia. "Those kids are so lucky," I'd say. "They get to play with LEGOS." And my wife will buy me LEGOS every now and then.

But then I realized that when it comes to building, getting older actually makes it better.

We used to only be able to play with little plastic bricks. But as adults we have more resources and opportunity to build.

We used to be able to only make little LEGO cars. But now I have friends who design concept cars for Honda. We used to only be able to build castles in the sand. But now we get to build cities. We used to lead only the stuffed animals or action figures on the living room floor, but today-- if we choose-- we get to lead people into a better future.

The older we get the more we get to really build.

Which made me wonder: what am I building? What thing(s) am I giving my time and energy? What does it mean to live a life that builds well?

Incidentally, the word "LEGO" comes from the Danish phrase "leg godt."

It means "to play well." The latin means "to put things together."

May that be true of our lives as well.

May we put things together. May we play well. May we build.

Create Change.

Creating change in the world sounds so intimidating, doesn't it?

I mean, where do we start? The problems are so big.

Sometimes because we don't know where to start we never start at all. Sometimes the problem seems so big that we decide to not tackle it.

Granted, this doesn't stop people with genuine courage. But it might stop you sometimes and it certainly has stopped me more times than I'd like to admit.

So here is a 3-step process to get you going in the right direction. Each step is more complicated than it sounds, but this offers a kind of big-picture outline for how things-- almost anything-- gets started.

1. Model what you really are about.

This is the sincerity-o-meter. Before you call anyone to anything you've got to live it yourself. The blood has got to be on your sleeve before others will bleed with you. Take a cue from Ghandi and start volunteering before you ask others to.

2. Invite them into your modeling lifestyle.

Anything worth doing can't be done alone. Especially if you care about making real change rather than just clocking in and having "doing good" on your to-do list. Once you own it, invite others in. What you're doing is important-- it's worth people giving up an hour, or two hours or money or whatever.

3. Challenge them to challenge others.

This is the last step that most people forget and is also the step leaders jump to too quickly. This is where you challenge the people who come with you who are now-- because of you-- modeling themselves something worth giving their lives to-- to bring their friends along side them.

Step one is self-leadership, step two is others-leadership, and step 3 is cultural leadership. It can be you, then one friend and then 5 of you together doing stuff. Or it can be you, then 10 friends and then 100. Or it can be you, then 50 and then 500.

Either way, you have to ask yourself: how much potential do I have to create positive change in the world? It's not about whether you're as talented as so-and-so, it's about what you are capable of creating. What is the size of the wake you are capable of?

It's probably bigger than you think.

So Model. Invite. Challenge.

Passion. Skills. Opportunity.

I love it when things are simple.

Of course, things are hardly ever simple.

Yet this has been helpful for me: passion, skills and opportunity. These are the three things you need to grow in your life. These are three tools you can use to help others.

Ever feel like you're burning out? 90% of the time it's not fatigue or busyness that's the problem. It's your passion. You've lost sight of why what you're doing is really, really important.

Ever feel like what you're doing is not working? Before you blame everyone else, probably what you need are better skills.

Ever feel bored? Or maybe frustrated that you can't do more? What you're missing is opportunity. You either need to work it out with the powers that be or start creating new opportunities for yourself.

On the flip side, this applies to leading others as well.

If we help people cultivate passion and give them opportunity but we don't help them develop their skills, their impact will be small and they'll be discouraged.

If we help people develop skills and give them opportunity but ignore their passion, they'll burn out and stop caring.

If we give them passion and develop their skills but don't give them opportunity to stretch their wings, they'll get frustrated and eventually leave.

So what do you need? What about the people you lead?

Do they need more passion? Do they need to see why what they're doing is important?

Do they need better skills? Do they need practical, tangible ways to move forward?

Do they need opportunity? Do they need stretching tasks or projects that really challenge them to become who they want to be?

What to do when you can't.

I was talking with a friend the other day and we were discussing various challenges in our lives. About one particular project he was working on he concluded, "It's just never going to be what I want it to be."

Have you ever felt that way? In a relationship or a job or a task or project? It's definitely not the way we wanted it so we concluded that it will never be the way we want it.

About an hour later it struck me. I said to my friend, "You mentioned earlier that your project will never be what you want it to be..."

He knew where I was going before I even finished. He's brilliant like that.

So he finished my thought, "Yeah, I think what I meant was that I don't know how to make it what I want it to be."

Exactly.

How many times do I turn the phrase "I don't know how" into "I can't"?

"I can't" is so much easier. It's so final. It absolves us of all responsibility. After all-- if you can't do it why should you be expected to?

"I don't know how" on the other hand hints at possibility. "I don't know how" means that you can ask someone else. It means you might be able to learn. It means there could be brighter days.

For my friend, surely there were people he could ask who are wiser than he or have done what he wants to accomplish. Surely there's a solution to his problem. Surely there are solutions to my problems, too.

So what are the "I cant's" or "It won'ts" in your life? What if we re-examined those "cant's" and started asking "What if I could but I just don't know how yet?" What could that do for our jobs, family, or community?

Where Lists Dare To Tread.

Ever spent time with someone and there were so many things you wanted to talk about? Sometimes what you want to discuss isn't crazy vital or anything: they're just nice things to ask about or talk about.

Other things, though, are important. These are the conversations that are often times most important...

...yet they can happen so infrequently.

Well, here's a way to make them more frequent: bring a list.

I do this mostly with my friend/boss Eric Bryant (whose funny, insightful and spiritually nourishing blog can be found here). He's super busy but still makes time for me and so I try to honor that time by-- you guessed it-- bringing a list.

The list keeps me focused. The list keeps me asking the questions I REALLY want to ask or may be afraid to ask. It's paper clarity and paper courage and (occasionally) paper humility. It also shows that I thought about our meeting ahead of time.

And it feels really good when people I serve with bring a list as well.

I was hanging out with Ryan Gilmore-- one of my best friends and one of Mosaic's great treasures-- the other day downtown. We took the Metro to eat at this market he recommended.

Now, Ryan and I can hang and talk about anything. But this particular time Ryan jumped right in and started asking me great questions about some leadership issues he was facing. Because Ryan thought about it ahead of time we both got to move forward with who we were and how we were impacting the world.

Compare that with the occasional time when I get an email or phone call or text from people saying they want to meet with me. We show up at the Starbucks or Pete's or whatever and then...there's a long lull. Often times it turns into me asking them 20 questions for the next hour until our time is up. We hug and I leave wondering why in the heck we got together.

This isn't about being busy. This about being wise. It's not about time management but about leaning into important conversations instead of avoiding, ignoring, or (most likely) simply forgetting that face time can be the most powerful time in your week.

Bring a list. And watch your work relationships, friendships, and personal development go places you didn't know lists could take you.

What's Your Vibe?

So I was talking to a friend the other day and I thought I was giving him a compliment.

This is what happened:

His eyes grew afraid. His brow furrowed deeply and he began slowly backing away from me.

Confused, I leaned towards him to explain even more fervently that I was trying to give him a compliment-- that I was trying to say something that made him feel good...

...and the more I tried the more he shrieked away in fear.

After the conversation was over I tried to figure out what went wrong. Did he not understand the words that were coming out of my mouth? I was trying to compliment the man, for crying out loud!

That's when I realized that we spoke two different languages. We both spoke English, but he cared less about what I was saying and more about what was showing on my face. My words may have been kind but my face, in the language my friend speaks, said "I hate your guts."

Another example happens in meetings where I try to say something encouraging and it deflates the room. And then someone else might say something discouraging but everyone is nodding their heads. It's not our words. It's our vibe. Our energy.

I'm discovering that if I want to have the impact I want my word choice is important but equally important is the energy that I bring to the conversation.

So what's your vibe? Do people ever react in a way that is opposite from what you intended? If people aren't emotionally resonating in the ways you hoped-- whether that's joy, seriousness, or maybe simply understanding-- that's probably because you haven't learned to speak their language.

You may be rockin' the right vibe but missing the right words. Or you may have the perfect words but missing the right vibe.

It takes both.

Most people are more fluent at words or energy. Which one comes most naturally to you?

For more info on creating a positive vibe check out my friend Steve's book here.

Disruptive Leadership

A study on NPR a few months ago noted that in a classroom, children with disruptive behavior have more influence in the class than students who behaved.

If you removed behaving students from the class it made no difference whatsoever in the learning environment. If you removed children who disrupt, however, it turned the class into an unstable state—often times in a negative way.

Typically we teach kids to behave, not to create.

Yet sometimes it’s better to be disruptive than to behave.

As a leader, who do you look to as emerging leaders? Do you look for the ones who behave or for the ones who disrupt?

Risk Away...

Ever been bored in a classroom? Ever been in a lengthy intellectual discussion and have wanted to scream, “Yes, but what does this have to do with anything?!” Ever had a great idea but never acted on it? Ever want to do something...anything to make life interesting, but then got distracted by the million other things you needed to do?

Ever feel like you've forgotten how to dream?

These were the questions that formed a month-long experiment with 20 college students at Pepperdine University last year. We got together once a week for four weeks and answered one— and only one— question: what’s one risk we can take this week to make the world a better place? Some people engaged in hard conversations, long overdue. Others gave money away. Some wrote songs and sang them to girlfriends. Others moved forward in their dreams for their future careers. We laughed a lot (the risks didn’t always go as planned). We cried some (some risks went better than we had hoped).

All of us grew.

And Sparks were born.

Sparks are clusters of friends who add just a little more proactivity and healthy risk to their social circles.

They meet once a week. 4 weeks. For 1 hour. 1 question:

What's one risk you can take this week to make the world a better place?

Right now there are 8 new Sparks starting in Malibu, CA. 4 starting near Marina Del Rey. 2 starting in Whittier. One starting in Westwood and one starting in Pasadena.

For help in starting your own Spark with some of your friends email me at jason@mosaic.org.

Check out other risks from the Pepperdine Spark last year as well as other thoughts on risk at http://riskaway.blogspot.com

Risk away.

Here's to You!

Ever notice how innovation seems to come out of nowhere?

We're just minding our own business when BAM!

Iphone. (Thanks, Steve Jobs!)

I'm just walkin' down the street and POW!

Reality TV. (Thanks?)

I turn 13-years-old and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Internet. (Thanks, Al Gore!)

But none of these were a spontaneous combustion of something completely new. They all evolved from something else.

Often times innovation seems spontaneous because all the forms before it were too much like something else (and therefore not viewed as innovative). The train wasn't a train. It was a iron horse. The car wasn't a car. It was a horseless carriage. How many smart phone prototypes were there before the category of "smart phone" became a category? Yet the people making "fancy phones" or more likely "phones that can do things no one needs a phone to do" were innovating years and sometimes decades before the innovation hits our palms.

99% of innovation is never heard of. Which means 98% of innovators are unsung heroes.

So here's to the people who invented the touch screen phone no one wanted so Steve could create the one people did.

Here's to the people who invented the horseless carriage, the car with wings, the iron horse, the calculator that filled a room, and government electronic communication. You didn't realize it: but you made the car, the plane, the train, the computer and the internet.

Here's to every professor who's given away an idea to a student who knew what to do with it. Here's to every bad idea that gave way to a good one, to every self-published book that inspired a best-seller. To every bad song that yeiled a greatest hit and to every innovator that can only find success in the success of the charismatic baking their half-baked ideas.

Here's to you.

Cellphones and Hand Grenades

Watch the two 60-second videos below. One is a commercial for a Israeli phone company where a bunch of soldiers play soccer with Palestinians on the other side of the separation barrier. The other is a spoof of the commercial used with real footage of a group of Palestinians who actually tried kicking a soccer ball across the real fence. It's my first experience seeing actual footage of tear gas and grenades.





My first thought that the spoof was tragically hilarious. And if the short film wasn't created by a company more committed to selling phones than creating peace, then of course it would have seemed more sincere.

But either way, both shorts represent what art can be at it's best: a picture of what we hope the future will be and a picture of how the world really is. Vision and Reality. Hope and Sobriety.

It's also a picture of the prophetic role artists can play in culture: helping us see things as they really are and inspiring hope that they don't have to stay that way.

Imagine the day when vision and reality become the artist's paintbrush not simply to sell phones, but to lead a community or city or country out of the world as we know it and into a world we could barely dream of.

There are a few already creating this world. We need more. See one community of artists' attempts here.

Teaching as a Subversive Activity

Ever remember thinking the thought in high school or college or church or mosque or synagogue:

"Why in the [insert explicative here] am I learning this!?"

Want to read a book that will make you excited and uncomfortable all at the same time?

Ladies and gentlemen: please meet Neil Postman and Charles Weingartner's Teaching as a Subversive Activity.

A book written in 1969 about education that was so good even Playboy liked it.

Here's a short excerpt:

Examine the types of questions teachers ask in classrooms and you will find that most of them are what might be technically called "convergent questions,"...[otherwise known as]..."Guess What I'm Thinking" questions. Here are a few that will sound familiar:

-what is a noun?
-[what are the books of the Bible, in order?]
-What is the principal river in Uruguay?
-What is the definition of a nonrestrictive clause?
-What is the real meaning of this poem?
-How many sets of chromosomes do human beings have?
-Why did Brutus betray Caesar?

So, what students mostly do in class is guess what the teacher wants them to say. Constantly, they must try to supply "The Right Answer."...And since it is indisputably (if not publicly) recognized that the..."content" of such courses is rarely remembered beyond the last quiz (in which you are required to remember only 65% of what you were told), it is safe to say that just about the only learning that occurs in classrooms is that which is communicated by the structure of the classroom itself.

What are these learnings?

Here are a few among many, none of which you will ever find officially listed among the aims of teachers [unless in a radical fundamentalist environment]:

-Passive acceptance is a more desirable response to ideas than active criticism.
-Discovering [or creating new] knowledge is beyond the power of students and is, in any case, none of their business.
-Recall is the highest form of intellectual achievement, and the collection of unrelated "facts" is the goal of education.
-The voice of authority is to be trusted and valued more than independent judgment.
-One's own ideas and those of one's classmates are inconsequential.
-Feelings are irrelevant in education.
-There is always a single, unambiguous Right Answer to a question.

If you're hooked, you're in luck. You can buy Teaching as a Subversive Activity here. Or you can download it for free as a pdf here.

Danger is Good.

I read the most fabulous feature in Good Magazine a while ago.

They did a study on the evolution of playgrounds in the past 50 years. Turns out, that's all you can study because that's how long they've been around.

That's right: my DAD is older than the IDEA of playgrounds.

Most playgrounds today look something like this:

I think we can all agree that this playground completely sucks and is fun to play on for about...oh...5 minutes.

There's no risk playing on this thing unless you count dying from heat if you fall asleep inside it or the occasional static cling when you go down that infernal slide.

It's almost entirely safe, static and boring-- just how our soccer moms wish life was all the time.

And this was the point of the Good article, noting that these environments do not foster creativity nor a healthy preparedness for life after pastels.

But the article also pointed to a resurgence of ancient ideas of play being reintegrated into western culture. These new areas have hybrid names: Nature playgrounds, Loose Parts Playgrounds, Adventure Playgrounds, etc. But really they're just good 'ole fashioned dangerous places where entrepreneurs who care about kids let them do their thing.

They look like this:

Now, this picture is enough to make a soccer mom swallow her Doublemint gum.

These playgrounds do have supervision. But they also have completely modifiable environments and opportunities to get dirty, get hurt and the raw materials to create a whole lot of...whatever kids want to create.

Dovetail this with a conversation I had with a new friend of mine. He has had to work incredibly hard to get where he is in life and he was telling me about the tension as a father to provide a better life for his kids.

"I want them to be safe...but overcoming danger is what made me who I am today," he said.

"I love my life. I love who I am. But for some reason I would never let my kids have the same experiences I've had. It's almost like I think they can develop resilience without resistance. Or like they can become strong if everything comes easy."

He paused and then said: "I think I'm discovering that danger is good. But don't quote me on that."

Too late.

As leaders, what kind of environments do we create for others? Do we create static, safe, predictable environments or do we throw our people into the deep end with the right materials (or maybe the wrong ones?) and spend more time cheering them on as they create and less time turning them off as we micro-manage tasks that were too small for them anyway?

Serving the Future You

About two years ago a friend of mine was going through a really hard time. He was busy but not feeling fulfilled. He was surrounded by people but didn't really feel known by anyone. It's a really common place to be...

It's a really dangerous place to be.

My friend is young, uber talented, a good-looking dude. He creates a lot of positive energy when others are around him. When he moves, people follow him. But sometimes the pressure gets too high or the loneliness goes too deep, and we start making decisions that go against the grain of who we want to be.

So I found myself sitting across a table from him in a cafe near LAX. It was late.

But it's never too late.

"Right now," I said, "Your actions only affect a small amount of people. Your friends, your family. Some of the people you lead. But that's now. And now turns into tomorrow quicker than you think."

He looked at me and I remember thinking, "I love this guy so much." I know it's weird to say, but hey-- if Jason Segel and Paul Rudd can say it, so can I.

And then, before I could stop it, these words escaped from my mouth:

"You are destined to lead. It's in you and I know it's kind of a crappy deal sometimes, but that's the way life goes. So although it seems your life is small right now, your influence is going to get bigger. Probably a lot bigger. Which means the mistakes you make are going to get bigger, too. Which is why we're having this conversation now."

"These issues in your life, it's time to start working through them. The You 20 years from now needs you to. You don't want to be 40-years-old with these choices to wrestle with. The 40-year-old You will have way bigger problems, way greater challenges to deal with. He'll have a wife and kids. He'll have responsibilities that would scare the hell out of you now if you knew it, and he won't be ready unless you start serving him now."

"For the sake of the Future You, and the thousands of people you will be leading, fight this. I believe in you. I know you can do it. I know you want to do it. So do it, and know that you've got a friend for the journey."

We finished our coffee (I got orange juice because I hate coffee) paid the waitress and went our separate ways. I drove home that night with the Los Angeles cityscape reflecting off my beat-up car wondering if I said too much or if I didn't say enough. It's hard to know, sometimes.

But can you relate to my friend? Can you relate to his sense of destiny? That fragile whisper that you protect and rarely talk about that says you were meant for something extraordinary? Maybe you can relate to his loneliness or his subconscious drift into a life he would never consciously choose.

For you, it may already be late.

But it's never too late.

Cheers to Movements!

Bloggers note: I actually like the show Cheers.

But this blog isn’t really about that.

It’s about the counter intuitive emotions we feel that get in the way of what we really want.

For example: the feeling we feel when we walk into a space and we don’t know everyone. Some people walk into that environment and they think, “Great! New people to meet!” These are the more entrepreneurial types. They’re more extroverted, inclusive, generally fun. These people are more precious than gold to social movements.

Then there are others [often times like me] that have this thought, “There’s so many people here. I don’t know everyone.” It’s not social anxiety disorder…it’s something else. These people enjoy smaller groups, deeper conversation. They are more precious than gold when it comes to

slowing social movements down…

So many groups, clubs, and teams all hover around the 30-people mark because [among other reasons] there’s this innate feeling that can be articulated by people in the group that sounds something like this:

I have to know and be known by everyone in the room.

And this thought is [one of] the kisses of death for any movement.

It's not that our desires for intimacy are bad. It's that we sometimes try to meet our intimacy needs through large group gatherings.

Movements don't move forward unless those of us who long for deep connection realize that it’s actually good that we don’t know everyone. It’s good that this room is crowded. It’s good that our community is shifting from a group to a crowd.

Leaders often times need to dispel the myth of Cheers: that it's good when everybody knows your name. Cheers was a great show about an incredibly dysfunctional small group of people. [but even they had to introduce new characters to keep the show interesting].

If you're part of a any community, the challenge is to shift it from a group of friends to a culture of friendship, not where everybody knows your name but where everybody knows somebody…

…and are looking for more ways to invite others in.